STORY TELLING: WHAT SEED DO YOU SOW AT HOME?.

Gentlemen, as the old saying goes, “If Mama ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” WE CAN save a lot of heartache IF WE DO IT RIGHT!!! 

So many Christian men get the cart before the horse. Doing so will always have a negative effect on everything at home, at work, in ministry, or anything a married man tries to do. Ladies are welcome to read this and click the comment word at the end of the blog, but please pass this along to your husband, your friend’s husband, and any guy you know who aspires to be a husband. Understanding God’s principles about the role of husbands, as portrayed in this week’s characters and scripture verses, will save a lot of heartache.

Husband “A”

Joe has hard a killer day at work. The pressure has been on to get his project in on time and

“Murphy’s law“ has been in effect all week. The customer has called to check up on his progress. Joe’s boss is constantly asking for progress reports. It just doesn’t look like his usual great work is going to be accomplished with the perfection expected by the due date. Exhausted, stressed out, he pulls the car into the driveway and hears the kids screaming. It sounds like utter chaos coming through the walls. Joe’s blood begins to boil, he angrily mutters to himself, “Why can’t that women keep those kids in line and she better have dinner ready because I’m starving!!” Joe grabs his laptop, opens the door as the kids come running to him, all loudly battering him with a string of complaints about each other.

Joe’s wife Ann emerges. She is a mess, her hair uncombed, some liquid spilled on her blouse, no make-up and her glasses on crooked. She hands him the baby who’s diaper is rather in need of changing and says, here, he’s yours. I know you want me to start cooking dinner while you change that stinky diaper and spend time with the kids. Joe loses his cool at this point, yelling at her, “Ann, you knew when I would be home and that I expected dinner ready. What have you been doing all day? I know other guy’s wives who don’t work from home and they get it all done!!.” If you were the submissive wife you’re supposed to be than you would have judged your time all day in order to meet my expectations of dinner ready, the kids calmed down, ______ (fill in the blanks yourself) when I got home!!”

Ann yells back, “they’re your kids too!” and tearfully goes to the kitchen. Walking from the refrigerator to the stove she stops and cries to the Lord, “What happened to that sweet caring guy I married 10 years ago?”

§  Was there heartache in this home?    Considerable

§  Was Joe the kind of dad he would want his future son-in-laws to be?   No way.

§  Was the atmosphere of Juan and Susanna’s bedroom what they wanted?   

Husband “B”

Juan also has a high pressure job, owning and managing a construction company. Dates for sub-contractors to be there and materials to arrive were on a very tight schedule because the customer needed to move quickly. The weather didn’t cooperate, causing a week delay on getting the shell up. A sub-contractor finished late and did a horrible job. It didn’t look like it would be possible for his client to move into the new offices on time and that would cause penalty fees to kick in. Juan was tempted to be worried. The stress was high but was learning to deal with it, trusting in the Lord.

When Juan got home, his wife Susanna was with him. She was the logistics coordinator. They worked in the same office so she was well aware of the stress her husband was under. Susanna’s mother watched the kids for the few hours between school and when Juan and Susanna got home each night. Juan had no expectations of dinner when he got home so he ate a snack in the afternoon knowing it would be a while until he had a meal. This couple determined not to talk about work on the way home so that the stresses there would not adversely affect the peace they desperately wanted at home. When they got home Juan thanked his mother-in-law for watching the kids. When she left he spent time with the kids while Susanna washed up and got ready to fix dinner.

·         Where Juan & Susanna perfect?     No.

·         Did they lose their tempers sometimes?    Sure.

·         Did they have disagreements and heated discussions?    Of course.

·         Did Juan open the door for his wife?     Most of the time.

·         Where Juan’s expectations of his wife reasonable, taking her side of the story very seriously?    Most of the time.

·         Was the atmosphere of Juan and Susanna’s bedroom what they wanted?   

Lessons to Learn

A few verses prior to this following verse women are instructed to be submissive to their own husbands. Their having this condition of heart however, almost never happens unless their husband grasps the ramifications of Eph. 5:25-28 and, with God’s help continuously, works at becoming this kind of a husband. The Message Bible beautifully paraphrases these verses:

Eph. 5:25-28    Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage. (MSG)

The need for all of us husbands to grow to become like this transcends all times, nations and cultures. Being a Christian involves a daily death to the “self” life, living for God instead – Jesus is Lord of all and we are included in the word “all.” We continually exchange our old dying existence on the planet for His eternal and wonderful life. Once we get married, this principle gets kicked up to a whole new level.

·         Is it easy? Now way!

·         Is it possible? Absolutely!

·         How long will it take? Your whole life on Earth.

·         Don’t worry about dazzling white silk, most of us could never afford that. Just make sure she’s clothed nicely

Test yourselves Gentlemen:

1.    What seeds are you sowing in your relationships at home?

2.    Do you care for your wife as a garden needs continual care?

3.    Does your wife know to wait for you to open the door for her?

4.    Are you the kind of husband you would want your daughters to marry?

If you feel like you can’t pass this test that’s fantastic. It brings us to dependence on Jesus to help us. We can’t earn salvation and neither can we work ourselves into who we are not – That’s God’s job and all it takes is continual surrender. He loves His Bride (the church) and gave Himself for her. My life and 39 years of marriage to Johanna is a testament to the possibility of making the transition from Husband A to Husband B.  

STORY TELLING: RELATIONSHIPS IN A BUSINESS & LIFE. Being a person of value will always precede doing what is valuable.

If the right ethical principles are part of everybody’s character than each customer, internal and external, will be satisfied. Jesus said many things appropriate to the work place. Let’s continue the same theme with a story based on the following Biblical quote that clearly identifies character aspects desperately needed in the workplace for people at all levels of the company.

Thanks to all those who referred my last blog to others. There were three times as many page views as any previous blog, reaching countries all over the world.

I have, and no doubt, most people who have had more than just a couple of years, experienced numerous management styles and have had coworkers with a wide range of attitudes and work ethics. The Bible clearly defines the attitude that drives the correct behavior and approach we should maintain in the workplace in order to be of real value.

As you read the following Bible verse, you can replace the word “Master” with customer (including internal customers), supervisor or any management position you want. “Servants” can be replaced with anyone who has a superior or a customer.

Ephesians 6:5-8   Servants, respectfully obey your earthly masters but always with an eye to obeying the real MASTER, CHRIST. Don’t just do what you have to do to get by, but work heartily, as Christ’s servants doing what God wants you to do. And work with a smile on your face, always keeping in mind that no matter who happens to be giving the orders, you’re really serving God. Good work will get you good pay from the MASTER, regardless of whether you are slave or free.

9   Masters, it’s the same with you. No abuse, please, and no threats. You and your servants are both under the same MASTER in heaven. He makes no distinction between you and them. (MSG Bible)

With that in mind, how many wrong things can you find in the following true story?

When I started my first job in a machine shop, I was very young and very naïve about working in a union shop. I ran a first piece on a CNC machining center and was waiting for it to be inspected. Not knowing any better, I leaned on the machine and began to read a little pocket Bible. It didn’t take long before my supervisor was reading me the riot act.

OK, I perhaps could have found something constructive to do.

The union president came over later and taught me the lesson of what to do. He said, “You should have a rag in your hand so it looks like you just finished doing something.” He also told me how to use a push broom, “Put the brush against the wall, put your elbow on the top of the handle and your hand on your chin.” ………. OK, you can stop laughing, that really happened back in 1975. I spent 10 years in that shop learning from negative example.

On another occasion in that factory, I was machining a high precision hole in an aluminum casting for a bearing to be installed. It measured too small. The inspector put his cigarette on it and told me if I came back in a few minutes the hole would be just fine. 5 minutes later the aluminum was hot enough to swell, expanding the hole so that it measured exactly to size. Would you call that integrity? 5 minutes later it would cool and be undersized again.

Have you ever had a supervisor that was constantly looking to find fault, always yelling and belittling everyone? I’ve had a few and they make for a very ugly, non-productive work environment. How much better it would have been for everyone if they concentrated on training, coaching and doing everything possible to help the workers get better at what they had to do, with a right attitude? If you are in a management role do you consider yourself a leader or a manager? The spectrum goes from oppressive cattle drivers desperately trying to get more out of people than they can do to wise shepherds who understand how to lead people so that they have their heart in their work. If one has honor and respect for someone he will move mountains, without it he’ll have a rag in his hand to look like he just finished doing something. Honor and respect are earned, most importantly by showing that you have it for those you lead.

So now I hope you say, “OK Andy, you’re right. That can really work, even on the home front.” If you’re honest with yourself you have probably realized that hard as you may try to be like this you frequently blow it. The problem is that in most situations, just 1 serious mistake undoes 100 “atta boys.” Dealing with ourselves in tough situations can get very frustrating, especially when there is someone, like a spouse or a boss, getting on our case for every mess-up, every word spoken in the “wrong tone of voice.” Change has to happen from the inside out and it is a life-long process. Have you come to that place in life where you understand that you can never make yourself good enough? That’s the most important place in life to come to.

You can become a person of value, in terms of the value that matters much more than earthly riches. From the book of Romans, chapter 10 (from The Message) we see the answer to all the frustration:

It’s the word of faith that welcomes God to go to work and set things right for us. This is the core of our preaching. Say the welcoming word to God—“Jesus is my Master”—embracing, body and soul, God’s work of doing in us what he did in raising Jesus from the dead. That’s it. You’re not “doing” anything; you’re simply calling out to God, trusting him to do it for you. That’s salvation. With your whole being you embrace God setting things right, and then you say it, right out loud: “God has set everything right between him and me!”

Scripture reassures us, “No one who trusts God like this—heart and soul—will ever regret it.” It’s exactly the same no matter what a person’s religious background may be: the same God for all of us, acting the same incredibly generous way to everyone who calls out for help. “Everyone who calls, ‘Help, God!’ gets help.”

If something has stirred in your heart or mind, put a comment below. It is completely confidential unless you ask me to publish it.